that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I cut my penus on the lid.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Randomize
