You can't motorboat a personality
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
