i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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