I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
