What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
