you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
do herpes really smell.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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