carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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