my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
