suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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