The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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