Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Randomize
