People in love make me want to vomit
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
