You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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