I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have already put on my inside pants.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
