If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
