Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
