jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
