I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
