I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
time to smoke my breakfast
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
