dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
