Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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