Just fell off a train. Bad.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
