Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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