hotel room ftw
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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