"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
