Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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