You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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