Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
