I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
