i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
