Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Nicole vs. Life
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
