You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
