weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
