Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
