Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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