Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
