dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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