I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
