In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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