I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
