just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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