Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
