It's like God shit irony all over that family
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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