I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
