god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
