so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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