i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
When are your genitals available?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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