Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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