I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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