This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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