At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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