I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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