so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
