did you get engaged???
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
