i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
