508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I did not marry a roomba.
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