When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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