I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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