I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
