Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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