Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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