a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
