She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You can't just leave with hair like that
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
